It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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