we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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