i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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