I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
