Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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