Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
