I could have mohawked her pubes.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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