The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
