omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
