Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
