he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
