Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
