90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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