I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize