singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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