Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
