You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
The cops high fived after they tackled you
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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