you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize