and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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