Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize