so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
