Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Randomize
