I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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