she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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