Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
