If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
