I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
