Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
