Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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