I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
