Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
