My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
