So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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