absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
