I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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