I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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