Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
