can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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