I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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