so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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