you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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