Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Text me some of your sweat
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
