i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize