Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
In America we eat man semen.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
