how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
