I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I think we might need a safe word for this...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
