i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
