Taylor Swift is so right about you.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
