the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
