Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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