she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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