well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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