I hate your face
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
