there's paper in my vomit.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
