Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
