maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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