He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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