I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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