i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
