Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
