you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
