Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
