Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
We just shotgunned beers for America
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
