We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
