I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
