matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
