I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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